Import me a wife! Getting hitched to "American" Somalis. - Part Two

Shrouded in deception; the real stories behind arranged marriages between Somali men living in the United States and very young desperate Somali girls in Africa. In these marriages which can only be termed as sham; buying and selling of brides is ‘normal’- depicting a modern day slavery.

 

This is the second part; so you may want to read the first part here before reading this one.

The testimonies

 

*Ramla and the MIA husband

      I accidentally met a Somali girl while searching for the truth behind the trend of getting hitched to 'American' Somalis. *Ramla (not her real name) is 22 years old and she tells me she has been 'married' for the last three years to a man in America. She says the only thing she knows about her 'husband' in America, is the fact that he once married her. He came to Nairobi, they had a huge extravagant wedding ceremony at a five star hotel; Then he went back and details have been sketchy since then. Although she has been ‘married’ for three year, she has not spent more than a week with her ‘husband’. 

       I asked her how extravagant the ceremony was and she say he spent $10,000 on the wedding alone. Her 'Meher' (dowry) was another $4,000 not to mention travel and hotel costs for the week he was with her. *Ramla says she has been living with her relatives in Nairobi and has been waiting for a visa to enable her to join her 'husband' in America. He calls once, maybe twice in three months and sends about $200 in those three months. She has no listed phone number of him, nor a mobile number. She does not know which state he lives in, how his immigration status is in the US and sadly she does not even know the rest of his family. 

        She says they were 'introduced' on phone after he saw her dancing in a home video of a relative's wedding. The video was being watched in a house somewhere in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Apparently they ‘dated’ through the phone made plans to get married via telephone. He only came for the wedding even though they hardly knew each other. They hardly know each other now three years into the 'marriage'. She explains to me that her family met some representatives from his family when dowry negotiations were being made. But that was all she could tell me. I asked her if she knew whether he was working or was on social welfare back in the States. She looked at me bewildered. She does not have any details of his life abroad yet she is his wife. This story made me want to find out more. So I found more similar stories and even more deceitful ones. 

Istarleen and the family plan

     Istarleen is a young refugee woman who has just come to Eastleigh, Nairobi from the Dadaab refugee camp in North Eastern Kenya. Her parents and siblings are all resettled in the US. When her family was leaving she was ‘missing’ so she could not leave with them at the time. She says she is here because her brother is soon arriving from the U.S to come and ‘marry a girl in her name’.

      This baffled me and I sought to know what she meant by ‘marry in her name’. She said the plan was for her to join the rest of her family in the U.S. And since she is above 21 neither her parents nor her siblings can directly sponsor her. Her brother then devised a plan; since he cannot in principle really marry her; then he will hoodwink some other gullible desperate girl into a sham marriage. She says he will then use the legitimate marriage certificate, a few photo-shopped pictures of the wedding,  and use her adopted name to file an AoR as his wife! All he has to prove to the authorities is the fact he indeed travelled to Kenya to get married! 

         She adds her brother has already identified the girl and she has agreed to marry him. At this point I ask Istarleen whether she considers what her and her family are doing, to be illegal. When we arranged for the interview, I promised her that I would not reveal her identity, as she is the source of my information. But this had me question my ethics as well.  She quickly jumped and said to me that I did not keep my promise.

       Despite my assurances that she was still safe and that I will not use her name,she immediately became defensive and uncooperative. Unfortunately, I have now lost her trust and any questions I ask after this, are met with suspicion. I ask her or rather beg her for one final request. I ask whether she would let me meet her ‘sister-in-law’ to be. As you would expect, she vigorously shakes her head and tells me, this would gravely compromise the family’s plan. Ethics burning my brain, I tell her that if she does not let me see the girl, then I will have no choice but to report her for fraud. She immediately gets up, leaving me clearing bills and disappears in the sea of 'buibui' clad Eastleigh humanity. Jilted, guilty and feeling rather powerless, I leave for my next interview. 

Abdullahi and his two girls

      In the middle of these deception and sham marriages are also Kenyan-Somali’s who due to the heritage they share with the Somali refugees, have jumped on this seemingly 'quick-solve to all problems poverty' bandwagon.

      For your information, Kenyan Somalis are among the Kenyan indigenous tribes and - contrary to popular belief - are not immigrants who hold Kenyan citizenship. They live in the largely arid and unproductive province of North Eastern Kenya. In comparison to other provinces in Kenya, poverty is the order the day here. Poverty stricken Kenyan-Somali families are vigorously searching and soliciting for suitable ‘husbands’ for their daughters from the Somali refugees who have made it to the other side of the world.

     My next interview was with a Kenyan Somali man who has married off two of his daughters to a Somalian refugee family. At his house, I am met by a girl at the door; she looks not older than 15. Her father, *Abdullahi (not his real name), looks frail and the struggles of poverty clearly shows in his face. I begin by asking to be introduced to the two girls, he points them out. One of them is the one who greeted me at the door. He insists she is 18. (Note; under Kenyan law, it is illegal to marry off a girl under the age of 18, even though some acts allows the minimum age in customary/religious marriages to be at 16. Abdullahi knows this already.)

     I ask why he chose to give away two sisters to one family. He says *Mumina - the older of the two - and her suitor are practically in love and that it is not an arranged marriage in his eyes - meaning she chose. He says *Saadia is however supposed to ‘sweeten’ the deal with the family. He quickly adds that *Saadia is giving him a hard time as she is adamant that she wants to continue with her studies. I ask him “If she is 18, shouldn’t she be making her own decision as regards to whom and when she marries?” He looks at me sternly and says “who gives a girl, that privilege to choose in these times?"

     Abdullahi is not the only one giving away one daughter for prosperity and another as a compensation price for the ‘favor’ bestowed upon the family. It is not strange to see two Somali families, one refugee, another local sitting down to make some sort of a ‘trade’. One family (the refugee) needs their son to get legal papers to do business in Kenya; the other (Kenyan) just want to get out of poverty by sending their daughter abroad (so that she can send money back home).

       Only in this scenario poor little *Saadia finds herself forced out of school prematurely to settle down with a stranger. I stole a few words with *Saadia and it is evident she is a bright little girl. If things had gone her way, she had a dream of becoming a doctor after finishing her studies. But that dream will never be, because she was sacrificed for her sister’s ‘exportation’.

      I am still having trouble with these stories; because the thin line between journalistic ethics - as in protecting my source - and a moral responsibility towards these girls, has put me between a rock and a hard place so to speak. I hope the followup to these stories, will do some redeeming for me - in some way.

Import me a wife! Getting hitched to "American" Somalis. - Part One

Shrouded in deception; the real stories behind arranged marriages between Somali men living in the United States and very young desperate Somali girls in Africa. In these marriages which can only be termed as sham; buying and selling of brides is ‘normal’- depicting a modern day slavery. 

        The glamorous weddings in five star hotels, the expensive gold chains and the opportunity to set foot in the first world is drawing thousands of oblivious young Somali girls into strange arranged marriages without much protest. The illusion to get hitched to ‘husbands’ living abroad, is becoming more of an accepted lifestyle among Somali families. So much so that girls who land such opportunity are even considered ‘lucky’ among their peers. 

       Once a man has repatriated to the United States/Europe - whether legally or illegally - even the lamest of them all, becomes the world’s most eligible bachelor in the eyes of Somali girls who are still living in Africa. It doesn’t matter if the guy is working wherever he is, or is sitting on his behind waiting on the American social welfare system to take care of his bills. As long as he can afford the wedding (mostly through family contributions), and is willing to file paperwork in regards to his wife joining him, then it is a done deal. So popular is this kind of marriages that men use pick up lines with the exact words “am on a flight list” to pick up girls in social gatherings in Eastleigh - a suburb in Nairobi Kenya largely populated by Somalis. Loosely translated from the Somali language the phrase means, that his papers are in order and he is just awaiting a confirmation date of travel.

      

       Girls dress to kill whenever there is a ‘wedding’ ceremony (mostly of similar arrangements) whose video recording is likely to land in a Somali home somewhere in America. This they say, will increase the chance of being spotted by a ‘suitor in America’. The real story of these import/export marriages however, is one shrouded in deception and misrepresentation. I researched and found out the depth of deception in these sham marriages that purposely exploit the victim’s illusion of better life in the first world. I came across crashed dreams and unfulfilled promises set off by half-truths and and deception.

            Somalia disintegrated into a civil war more than two decades ago and since then, the world refugee program has helped millions of Somalis settle in America and several other first world countries. In America the program allows those who have stabilized to apply for an affidavit or relationship for his/her core family left behind, whether in Somalia or a third safe country - Kenya. This is commonly known among refugee agencies as ‘AoR’. 

       In the context of this article, an AoR will enable single men in America the opportunity to 'import' his 'wife' but many hardly do. This will make more sense as we get deeper into the story. But just to explain; once a man finds a suitable bride to marry, he hopes on a plane with everything else prearranged and attends a wedding. He then hopes back on the next flight and files an AoR. This also happens to be thriving business running into hundreds of thousands of Dollars. In the next post I will share the testimonies of several Somalis I spoke to in Eastleigh who narrated to me the complex business deals that involves buying and selling of young Somali girls to men abroad.

Lest we forget Westgate: Lets be nosy & spy on our neighbors, if we are to 'nip terrorism in the bud'.

Terrorists don't live in an Island, they are among you, renting your property, strolling the streets and chatting with you at the local market: Surely the least you could do is pay a little more attention!

       On a perfect Saturday morning on September 21st, patrons at various spots at the Westgate mall were blissfully having coffees, chatting animatedly and spending time with their loved ones, completely unaware of what was to befall upon them. Then horror struck. The horror was brought upon by a group of very well armed, well organized terrorists who obviously - before that day - had planned every detail of their heinous act.

      In storming the mall the terrorists of Westgate sent patrons disoriented. It took some time and before the victims could even grasp what was going on. Shooting randomly at innocent children, at women, at non-Muslims, at Muslims, the massacre began.

                                 The children's cookery competition that went horribly wrong at Westgate mall. 
                                             (Image courtesy of BBC)

    The siege that ensued for the next four days has not only shaken Kenya to the core but has gripped the world's attention indeed. And in unison the world and Kenyans in particular responded with utter shock, utter fear and utter condemnation. Visibly loud in condemnation was also the Muslim community in Kenya.

      But I dare ask the question, is condemnation really enough? I say not. Condemn yes but for heaven sake do something, anything, however insignificant to nip it in the bud; this terrible despicable acts of terrorism. Do something to ‘cut the seedling before the tree grows strong’, so to speak.

      Obviously before storming the mall, those who slaughtered the innocent at Westgate, were tenants of a building, neighbors, friends or acquaintances to somebody somewhere. Had we been nosy, they would have probably not made it that far. Had we cared to look closely at someone’s jittery behavior, had we paid more attention to their movements, had we spared a moment to spy, who knows, maybe this would have been avoided. Wishful thinking, you say. I say, do the right thing, snoop around and don't be shy to be nosy. Being aware of our surrounding is such a small price to pay for the general good and safety of our world, of our country.

     I, especially, would like to see significant nosiness from the Muslim community. Muslims have to be willing to snoop on that fellow you suspect may be harboring thoughts of terrorism. That person who attends the mosque with you who is a little too passionate in opinions of how his community/religion/race is being targeted by the larger community; or whoever he deems to be the enemy of his 'minority'. I dare say, it is especially right at the door of the Muslims, to be willing to give up their family members who get a little too 'radicalized'.

     Of course this should not be misconstrued to mean that those with strong opinions are automatically branded terrorists. It is a free world after all. But come on, we all know it starts somewhere.

      I dare give an example of a well known radical Muslim cleric who is on the radar of the FBI and by extension our own Anti Terrorism Police Unit (ATPU). Sadly this cleric is left to roam freely and radicalize more youths despite his open support for Somalia's Al-Qaeda linked Al-Shabaab. It was Al-Shabaab's men who slaughtered the innocent at Westage mall. He does not just stop at supporting them. He believes in their 'cause'.

        In an interview with Peter Taylor of the BBC's Panorama program which aired days after the Westgate terror attack, the cleric publicly declared that Al-Shabaab were 'justified' in what they did. In his own words, "They (Alshabaab) have every right to invade....eh stop an invasion in their own country", he said. "It is justified in Islam, we cannot be slaughtered everywhere in the world and just sit and cry. We have to react" Yet this guy is free, under the protective blanket of the larger Muslim community. If you think I am speculating, I bet if he’s arrested today, the community would be united in condemnation.

      But let us leave it up to the security agencies to decide on the radical clerics. What can you and I do? We can still be nosy neighbors and open our eyes to the goings on around us. Not just in terrorism but all crimes going around us. We can be vigilant. If they (security agencies) refuse to act on it, then we would have done our civic duty of being nosy. Otherwise, it is 'God help us' if those tasked with our internal security, continue to ignore the tell-tale signs of those who clearly harbor dangerous ideologies.

      Just my two cents, I am not a security expert but I believe to fight terrorism we must really put our safety above any religious, tribe or family affiliations. You are your brother's keeper yes but more importantly you are your neighbor's spy.  Have a nosy day.

Why Muslim women ought to question their faith as regards to their individual liberties; Part 3 of 3.

Continued from Part 2................

Today, I am a 32 year old and married to a non-Muslim. I have two lovely little munchkins and jolly-happy in my marriage. However, it has not been easy and I am yet to reach my destination. It has not been easy because, though they have sort of cut me off, they have never completely left me alone.

I remember when my hubby proposed, I confided in my sister, (who was living abroad), that I had met my soul mate and that I did not care he was not Muslim. I confided in her because I though she would be better placed in understanding that these things happen. Girl meets boy, girl is swept off her feet and she falls in love with his personality, not caring what religion he belonged to. Boy was I wrong! The first thing my sister asked me was 'who is he?' meaning 'what religion/color/creed'? The only answer I could find was 'he is like me'.

Obviously she couldn't comprehend what I was on about. So I told her he was mixed race, half Kikuyu half Austrian and that he is British too. None of it mattered to me because he was a child of the world and I was madly and deeply in love.

My sister fell short of telling me to dump him. Then she called back and said that I should have him convert to Islam first. I said no. I am sure you can imagine how the rest played out. The news reached my mother and she showed up at my work place for some confrontation. With a few glares from my co-workers, lets just say that it was quite a scene.

Long story short, she begged me not to marry him, she threatened that she will never speak to me. She threatened to curse any offspring that would come from such a union. I deafened my ears, grew an even thicker skin and married the love of my life.

Though we are in the same country I have not spoken to my mother in years. But because she is my mother, and I still love her, from time to time, I call my younger sisters to find out if she is okay. She still refuses to acknowledge my choice. She has even once called my little girl 'haram'. which loosely translated means 'unclean/forbidden'. That is her granddaughter, beautiful little thing who would never understand what the fuss is all about.

My bubbly baby girl is not haram to me. She is an intelligent four year old who fills my day with laughter and little smart remarks. My little girl is pure spirit, uncorrupted and free.

Because of these choices I have made, I have also had my share of anonymous death threats and direct threats from close family. Phone calls full of abusive language, vile and hatred. Because of these choices, I have had to change my number a couple of times. A caller said to me "You are the one who married the enemy, lets see if that enemy protects you when the wrath of Allah showers upon you". The police traced the caller's cell number to my home town. 

My loving and devoted husband is everything but the enemy. Whose enemy anyway? He loves me and would give his life for me, that is a fact. So who are you to tell me about what enemy?

Mine is a continuous battle. Battling both the self and those around me. I am not there yet. But with time and a few more thick skin,  I will get there. Just to ensure the pure uncorrupted spirit of my kids is maintained until they reach an age to make their own choices.